Tracey
and Kathy were also selected to be featured writers for
GayWired Media, LesbiaNation, Shewired.com, and LOTL Magazine
in Australia!
The
Naked Truth
"The STD Words: A Sobering Look at
Safer Sex for Lesbians and Bisexual Women"
By Tracey Stevens and Kathy Wunder
Kathy
and I were watching the new show, "Cashmere Mafia,"
which has four powerful women as main characters, including
one who is a lesbian coming out. The four characters were
sitting at a swank restaurant discussing Juliet Draper's husband's
affair with Cilla Grey. Juliet says: "I sure as hell
don't want to end up like one of those angry, drunken, WASPs
in an Edward Albee Play–"
Zoe Burden cuts in with "Did you see the one where the
husband cheated on the wife with a goat?"
To which Juliet replies "I would rather it have been
a goat than Cilla Grey. At least it would have saved me the
STD Screenings..."
The first thing I thought about was that it has long been
speculated that Syphilis started when lonely shepherds got
a bit too familiar with members of their wooly flock, but
then my mind went to the fact that the character on "Cashmere
Mafia" was actually talking about SAFER SEX!
This lead my brain to the biggest complaint I’ve had
about many lesbian movies and popular shows like “The
L Word.” No matter how much finger-action, butt-munching,
and lickity-splittin’ goes on, you never see characters
using Safer Sex practices, and many openly portray risky behaviors,
like having unprotected sex with both women and men.
Take the following “L Word” Characters for example:
Tina traipsing back into Straightdom then hightailing it to
Lesboworld after seeing her boyfriend clipping his toenails
in the living room; then there’s bisexual Alice doing
women and a man who claims HE is a lesbian; and the sweet
but totally sex-addicted Shane, who got-off two sisters and
THEIR MOTHER at the third sister's wedding!
Now don’t get us wrong, Kathy and I LOVE “The L
Word,” but graphic scenes of unsafe sex totally give
the wrong impression, especially to newly out lesbians who
think that there is no way women can catch sexually transmitted
diseases from each other.
The fact is that lesbians can be infected with STDs by having
unsafe sex with other lesbians, or with bisexuals who have
been exposed through semen; sharing needles from IV drug use;
piercing or tattooing without the proper sterilization techniques;
having unsafe sex with men prior to realizing they are lesbian;
or having unscreened artificial insemination and/or blood
transfusions. Many STDs are transmitted when blood, vaginal
fluids (including menstruation), breast milk, or semen from
an infected person enters your body or blood-stream.
How to protect yourself:
Before becoming intimate, it’s up to both partners to
ask each other the following question: in the past five years
have you or your partner, or ex-partners, participated in
unsafe behaviors listed in the previous paragraph? If so,
you may want to have a general blood screening and an AIDS
test. Wait 3-6 months after your last risky behavior and have
a second test. Ask your health-care professional for the latest
information on STDs including AIDS, and find out the best
way to protect both you and your partner from a potentially
deadly virus.
Handy items for lesbian safer sex:
Latex gloves and Finger Cots can be purchased at most drug
and medical supply stores, and you can also buy gloves in
bulk at larger discount stores. These protective barriers
are essential to use if either partner has a cut or sore on
her finger, hand, mouth, vagina, or anus. These items are
great for all kinds of activities, from clitoral stimulation
to vaginal or anal penetration. Make sure to change them between
vaginal and anal penetration, and also make sure your fingernails
are not jagged, which can snag and cut the latex or your partner’s
skin. If your partner tends to “flood with love,”
then stick to the full latex gloves–they are safer.
Dental dams are five-inch square pieces of latex that can
be purchased at medical supply stores. Because unprotected
oral sex is risky behavior, dental dams of some kind are essential.
You can place the whole square over your partner’s genitals,
holding it yourself, or have your partner hold the top while
you hold the bottom. Mark the dam with an ink pen to make
sure you don’t use the wrong side if you happen to put
it down, and throw away your dams after one use. If you or
your partner has trouble feeling stimulus through the barrier,
you can apply a water-based lubricant to the genital area
beneath the dental dam. Single-ply plastic wrap from the grocery
store can also be used as a dental dam. Make sure it is non-porous
plastic wrap, not microwavable plastic wrap. Just remember,
like latex, plastic wrap can rip, so always be careful.
If you use dildos or dildo shaped vibrators, then condoms
are a good thing to use. Instead of having to jump out of
bed to wash shared toys, just carefully peel off the used
condom and slip on a new one. Always pinch the air out of
the end before rolling it on, because trapped air bubbles
can cause a condom to break. You may also want to use a water-based
lubricant to reduce friction, which can also cause breakage.
If you are bisexual, use of lubricants with spermicidal agents
can harm certain condoms.
Safe,
Risky, and Unsafe Behaviors:
Some safe things you can do with your partner are hugging;
massaging her everywhere but there; masturbation or watching
her masturbate; phone sex; sharing fantasies; using vibrators
or sex toys, but not sharing them without washing or changing
the condom; dry kissing--no tonguing; or tribadism--rubbing
your body on hers without vaginal fluids, blood, or breast
milk exchanged.
Risky Behaviors include: French kissing, especially if you
have a sore in your mouth or your gums bleed after brushing
or flossing. Make sure to wait 30 minutes before kissing your
partner if your gums bleed. Shared hand-to-genital contact
with finger cots, gloves, or dental dams can be risky if a
tear occurs in the latex: Oral sex while using a barrier can
also be risky if the barrier moves or tears. Inserting your
fist into your partner’s vagina or rectum is always risky
because of the pressure it puts on vaginal or intestinal tissues.
Also, exchanging sex toys without washing them or using fresh
condoms, any form of S&M or rough sex that involves piercing
or shaving, or any sort of blood-letting are very risky behaviors.
Unsafe behaviors include: oral sex without a barrier; ingesting
female fluids or ejaculate; sharing dildos or vibrators without
a condom or without changing condoms in between users; licking
the anal area without a dental dam or plastic wrap; fisting;
any kind of unprotected sex with a man including oral, vaginal,
or anal sex; sharing needles whether for drugs, piercing,
or tattooing.
Drug or alcohol use prior to or during sex can impair your
judgment to the point of not using safer sex practices. Passion
is a wonderful thing, but not quite wonderful enough to die
for. Worldwide, millions of people have perished from STDs,
especially AIDS. Kathy and I personally knew over 20 people
who died of AIDs, both men and women, and we know lesbians
who have contacted Chlamydia, Hepatitis B, Herpes, and Genital
Warts. Many STDs will stay in your body for the rest of your
life, so please be safe and don’t become one of the statistics.
Original
Article appeared on Lesbianation.com here: "The
STD Words"
