Tracey
and Kathy were also selected to be featured writers for GayWired
Media, LesbiaNation, Shewired.com, and LOTL Magazine in Australia!
The
Naked Truth
"The Power of The P"
By Tracey Stevens & Kathy Wunder
A
few years ago, Kathy and I were having dinner at a nice restaurant
with a group of friends, and the subject of another mutual
friend came up. "Debbo" was in a bad relationship
with a woman, whom we'll call "KR," and everyone
was concerned about how crazy things had gotten in the last
few weeks.
Janice said "I just don't understand how Debbo could
fall for KR's BS! KR is a liar and a cheat, and every lesbian
within a 100 mile radius knows this-"
"Not only that, she's seeing her ex behind Debbo's back!"
Audrey chimed in.
"Lori and I saw Debbo drunk as a skunk at the Dark Side
last weekend!" Vickie dropped that little bomb, and a
hush came over the table.
The Dark Side was the group's made-up name for a gay bar the
next town over. It was shocking that Debbo was there drinking,
because she had been sober and in AA for many years. As we
discussed why Debbo would throw away years of sobriety on
someone with a reputation like KR's, our loud-mouthed friend
Annie cut in with her opinion of the situation.
"Well it sure ain't no mystery that the Power of The
Pussy has struck again-"
"Jeezus, Annie!" Her girlfriend, Tina, exclaimed.
She was turning bright red while noticing nearby straight
patrons glaring at our dyke table.
"It's true!" Annie proclaimed, and then launched
into "Everybody knows that once The Pussy gets involved
in a situation, there ain't no turning back, and there sure
as hell ain't no reasoning with it."
After getting over the bluntness of her statements, everyone
at our table nodded in agreement.
I started thinking of other situations where "The Power
of The P" had taken over any rational thought; like another
friend who was having serious problems with a woman she was
seeing. My friend was getting ready to break it off, when
her girlfriend showed up at her house, threw her on a picnic
table in the middle of the day, and had a snack pack right
there in her back yard! Thank the Goddess there was a privacy
fence, and believe me, as "The Power of The P" took
over my friend's mind, all thoughts of breaking up vanished
into a red-hot daze.
Then of course there was my own insanity, when my Southern
Regions hijacked my brain, and I ended up in a similar situation
as my picnic table friend! Anyone who happened to be flying
over that swimming pool on that hot June day, got some great
tips on eating at the Y via buoyancy of the shoulders of my
straight, married, female partner!
This is a period of my life that I refer to as being "Young
and Very Dumb," but the sad truth is that for many women,
no matter how old we are, once our bodies shift to the "In
Lust Gear," our logical minds fly right out the window,
and "The Power of the P" can take over.
So in this installment of "The Naked Truth," we
will focus on situations to watch out for when "The Power
of The P," either your own or someone else's, tries to
have its way with you.
Ms. "I am not a lesbian, but..." This is
the person who may swear undying love to you one day, and
be back with her boyfriend or husband the next. She may be
a lesbian in the closet or a bisexual. In the worst situations,
this can also be known as "The Power of The P = Murder
and/or Mayhem."
Ms. "I swear I'll be there next time." This
is a woman who asks you to meet her somewhere, but NEVER shows
up. Either she is seeing someone else, or has something better
to do. Either way, you loose.
Ms. "I had to work late, for the 30th day this month."
This woman's job is more important than you will EVER
be. Unless you want to make love with her money, take the
Mercedes she loaned you, drive to the nearest airport, and
fly, fly, away.
Ms. "Sorry I left my wallet, credit card, cash, at
home-AGAIN" This woman is known as a lesbo sponge.
She will have you paying for everything. Is the "Power
of Her P" worth you going to the poor house? Only YOU
know for sure.
Ms. "WHERE WERE YOU? WHO WERE YOU WITH?" This
woman is jealous of your friends, coworkers, your gynecologist,
the hottie UPS driver, your cat, even your neighbor's pot-bellied
pig. Advice: RUN AWAY FAST or GET TO THERAPY NOW!
Ms. "I'm a musician, an artist, a professional surf
border, etc..." This is great if she's making it
in these professions, or even if she has a day job and also
works her butt off every spare moment to make her life's dream
real; but beware of a woman who says she is going to be a
star, and expects you to pay her bills until "The Big
Break" happens.
Ms. "I love you, but I'm not over my ex." Also
known as "Rebound Sally," this woman may just be
using you to get even with her ex, or she may be truly going
through a painful separation. All you can do is hope and pray
she comes your way. Advice: set a time limit and stick to
it.
Ms. "I swear this is not a UHaul date." This
woman's toothbrush is hanging next to yours, and her bra is
draped over your shower rod the first night you meet. If this
is a mutual thing, and you both are ready to pack up the truck
and move in together, then go for it. If not, unload the truck
in HER yard now.
Ms. "RydHer hard and put her up wet." This
woman is different than Ms. Uhaul, as she usually just wants
to hop on and ride, ride, ride. This woman may not tell you
that she has been called a slut-puppy for most of her life.
This is a dangerous woman, with pupils that are constantly
over-running her irises. "The Power of Her P" may
be almost impossible to resist. Words to hear while all logic
fades into your throbbing southern regions: BEWARE- STDs!
Ms. "I only drink socially." This is great
if it is true, but beware of women who will drink away your
money at night, and lay passed out on your floor all day.
Ms. "I'll kill you if..." This is a dangerous,
abusive, woman who needs professional help to control her
anger issues. You can not do this for her, so best advice:
SAVE YOURSELF- LEAVE NOW.
Ms. "It's always: your fault, your past, your childhood,
your problem..." It takes two to make or break a
relationship. Get counseling or get out.
Ms. "Yeah but..." This woman will act like
she agrees with you, but she really never does. She may argue
with you to the day you die. Good luck.
Ms. "I can do that better!" This woman is
resentful of anything you are good at. She may, or may not,
be able to do it better, but either way, she's not letting
you shine.
Ms. "Online lover- only." This woman swears
undying love to you, but when you make plans to meet her,
she will suddenly disappear. She could be insecure, scared,
or not who she says she is; she could be a man. ADVICE: If
you ever do meet "her," always arrange to do so
in a public place, and always tell a trusted friend your plans.
Ms. "I swear that video recorder is not on."
This is a woman who may have a degree in electronics, and
knows how to disable the recording light. The good news is
that you may be having wide exposure with your own online
film next week; the bad news is it may be your own little
P that is exposed, and you probably won't get any royalties
either!
Remember, always play safe when "The Power of The P"
strikes you!
Original
Article appeared on Lesbianation.com here: "The
Power of The P"
