The reason the Support For Lesbians Coming Out Group came into existence:.

I had shopped around my partner and my book "How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide" for about a year to the big NYC publishers, only to find that no one was interested in it. Seems they didn't like my idea of having a downloadable PDF version of our guide for women who needed it but were afraid to buy it in a bookstore, or to women living in countries where being a lesbian could be a death sentence.

I finally decided enough was enough, and with encouragement from my mentor, a very famous lesbian writer who owns her own publishing company, I decided to market the book myself. I had been the graphic design manager for a book distributor for several years, so I had learned a lot about the industry. I had also been designing magazines and catalogs for a long time, so the jump to designing books was no big deal. After much agonizing over coming out in such a huge way, I finally decided to start my own company, and Amazing Dreams Publishing was born.

"How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide" was written primarily for young women who were coming out, but women of all ages and from all parts of the world were downloading the Acrobat PDF version--I think it has been downloaded over 1500 times. After it had been available for a few months, I had one woman email me that she really loved the book, but needed more support in her coming out process. She was married with kids, and living in a rural town out West somewhere, and there sure wasn't any support for LGBT people for miles around.

I agreed with her, and decided to start the support group to help with a need that had not been met in the Coming Out Guide. I guess this woman emailing me was a pretty important thing, because over two thirds of our members are or have been married to men, most have kids, and many are living in very rural situations. This is not just in the US; some of our members also live in countries where being a lesbian is a death sentence, so the Support For Lesbians Coming Out group has become a lifeline for many women.

I am totally surprised by where this road took both me and Amazing Dreams Publishing. I would have never imagined that I would be running a support group that so far has helped over 2,000 lesbian and bisexual women from almost every country in the world, but in the long-run things usually work out for the best. It is amazing to me that being turned down by all those publishers led into this incredible group of women who are supporting each other worldwide. I think it is the most important thing I have ever done in my life.

To me, we are all human beings, no matter what country we are from; what color our skin is; what religion we embrace, or do not embrace; what education we have, or don't have; what home-life we have now or in the past; what name we call ourselves, or what names other people call us; and on and on and on. There is still the basic fact that we are women, living in a world that treats us, for the most part, as second rate citizens, but the truth is that we are all Goddesses on our on journey to becoming the best we can be!

Tracey
Co-author of "How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide"
Moderator of the Support For Lesbians Coming Out (SFLCO) Online Support Group

"Anyone still here that was here a couple of years ago? Wanted to "give an update...

I turned to this group when I met my Melissa, and I think you guys were the first ones I told when I came out to my family.....Well, Melissa and I will celebrate our 3rd Anniversary next month, we both finished school (I got my degree in photography). We moved a little bit south, to the San Jose area because M got transferred for her job, and I am starting up a photography business.

When I first came to this site, I didn't know too many lesbians, but I have managed to meet some very beautiful women who are now my closest friends, and I no longer feel scared that someone might browse this website and figure out who I am.

Coming out is a strange thing. I have been taking it on a case-by-case basis. I don't bring it up if no one asks, but if they ask, I will tell them. Sometimes my rainbow belt gives it away. But I have never had any bad reactions. Just last week, when we met our new neighbor, she asked us if we were sisters... I think we both laughed and just said "no" and left it at that. An hour later, the neighbor came over and offered us a bottle of wine. She apologized for offending us (even though neither of us were offended) and said "I knew Melissa is gay, but you just don't look it, so I didn't know."

The world is changing. Imagine. Someone apologizing for assuming you are Straight!

Anyway, I just wanted to check in, see how everyone is doing, and let anyone who is just coming into this phase of their life know that I am a success story... if you do a search for Jane, you will see my stories..... a long way from where I was three years ago, but still happy and in love!
Jane
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"First off, it is NOT a choice to be gay or not to be gay! No one would choose to be something that ostracizes them from a large portion of the population and that gives them little to no protections under the law for their loved ones. That said, I wouldn't choose to be different even if there was a choice to be made! Sorry, it really irks me when someone makes such an uneducated statement. A little research would tell him he is wrong.

"Now, here is my opinion, not advice, just an opinion based on my own situation.

"I too wanted kids and in my therapy session that I recently had..that is something new for me, therapy... I admitted that in part that is why I wanted to marry. In fact, I had a girlfriend of several years when we got married. I was still in love with her at that time even.

"Now, the 'right' thing to do once I married him was to stay married and keep that 'normal' family going... three kids, mommy, daddy, cat, dog, big house, blah blah blah... but no one ever mentioned being 'happy' or 'miserable' in that equation. It is very much about the appearances of what it is supposed to look like and not what it is supposed to feel like. And I too was miserable!!! There was no real love there. Now don't get me wrong... I did love him for a time as a person and even thought I was 'in love' with him but it was never enough and never could have been.

"I left two years ago after almost 15 years of marriage and honey it was the best decision for not only me, but for my kids as well. He is still a part of their lives. The difference is that they have a happier mom and a happier father now. Both of us are in relationships and living our lives the way that is best for us. I am outgoing and I get to go and do things with people now. He is a hermit and he lives that lifestyle. The children no longer have a bad relationship where people don't talk to each other and show no affection toward each other as their example of how it should be.

"I think I did those kids much more harm by staying in that marriage and having them think that that is how it is supposed to be then by leaving. It is NOT an easy decision to make and I did not do it lightly, nor am I suggesting that you should. I am just saying, look at this from the aspect of your happiness.

"Step back and look at it from your kids point of view. When your daughter or son looks at your marriage, what are they learning about relationships??? Is it healthy???

"Follow your head as well as your heart and you will do what is best for you and the kids in the long run. Just don't push your needs aside. It isn't selfish to want to be happy."
Tara
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"This support group means the world to me. I was in the depths of hell when I came across the website and requested membership. I was also very close to committing suicide as I felt I had no where to turn. This group changed it all. The members gave me a reason to hope, to want to go on, and most important of all I was able to get hooked up with a Therapist....My life is a million times better! I am stronger, and for the first time in 23 years, I am happy! Today I turned 47 but in many ways it's a real 'birth day.' I am in control of my life and loving every minute of it."
Nancy
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"You all are wise and wonderful women. I am so glad that I've met you. I will never be able to repay the blessings this group has given me. Thank you so very much for this meeting place and for the honor of getting to know you!"
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"Thank you for starting this group, it's very comforting to have a place to go where I know I'll be accepted."
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"This is something only Hollywood could come up with. I am a 67 y/o lesbian grandmother with 3 children and 6 grandchildren. I was widowed at 64 and have been exclusively lesbian since. I had my first lesbian sexual experience at 65 and have been with a lover for one year and we are moving into together next month.

"I met my oldest daughter today for lunch. We were served, and I told her I had something to tell her. I told her in life, some people don't choose human behavior, it's just something they are born with and act on. I told her I had a sexual curiosity for women since I was 12 and that I acted on it after dad died. I told her I enjoy the lifestyle and I met a lady and we have been lovers for a year and we are moving in together.

"Then my daughter said. 'Mom are you being serious?'I said yes. She asked 5 more times. I asked her why she had to ask 5 more times. She then said "I guess you do inherit your genes." I asked her what she meant. She chuckled and said that in college, she was BI-curious and had a lesbian relationship with her roommate. My jaw almost dropped. I asked her if she was just telling me this to make me feel good and she said, no, and that she was being truthful. We both laughed then. I had no idea she was BI-curious when she was younger.

"We finished lunch, gave each other a big hug and I asked her if she wanted to meet my lover and she said yes. We drove to my lover, and the two of them hit it off good. We then went to my daughter's home and I called my other younger daughter. I told her the same story, and she said she had a feeling I was lesbian. I asked her what gave her that idea. She said many times when we went shopping, that when I saw a women bent over and her panties or thong showed, I would give a deep stare. This was true. We both laughed and she said, it was okay.

"I called my son, and told him and he said that my youngest daughter had told him years ago that she thought that I was a lesbian. He said it was okay and that at least he would not have to try to get along with a stepfather if I remarried.
What a relief this was! I was worried for nothing. It feels so good to be out in the open now. I am going to tell Sarah, that I now want to hold hands in public and if she wants to kiss in public also, then that's fine. As far as my grandchildren, they're still young and as they get older, we can tell them.

"Not even the rainy weather in NYC could ruin this day. I can't wait to move in with Sarah. That's when the fun finally begins."
Rebecca
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"I only became a member of the group on Saturday and am touched by the warmth and compassion that emanates from these postings. I feel blessed to have found this refuge; a safe place to listen, talk if I need to and maybe learn how to finally make peace with who I am."
Stacy
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"Not sure why, but I want to cry. You folks...all of you folks have meant so much to me for the past few months since I joined the group. I will never be able to let each and every one of you know just how much you have helped me! You guys are my cyber family and I love you all so much. I cannot wait until next October when I plan to go to NC and join in the festivities, and especially to meet at least some of you."
DG
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"A funny thing happened that I would like to share. My prospective girlfriend, knowing that I have no sexual experience with women (or with men for that matter) sent me something she thought would help. She found a great website "Amazing Dreams Publishing," and downloaded an E-book for me on, well, lesbian sex tips. Funny, but the authors seemed a bit familiar. We had a huge laugh over it when I told her I was aware of the book, and that I had joined this group. I also told her that we already owed the authors of the book and this group quite a bit. Without everyone's support, I don't know if I would have had the nerve to even begin to explore this new side of myself. I suspect I would have been unsettled and unhappy, and not even understood why. I take this as a good sign, and yet another reminder that is is indeed a small world."
Patricia
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"Having no sexuality at all isn't very fulfilling--I know, I've tried it. Finding out where your latent homophobia lies is helpful. I know mine came from my strict Catholic upbringing. I have never felt hatred or disgust for gay folks, even before I found out I was in the ranks. It was harder not to hate myself. I struggle every day to let it go, because hating yourself is a terrible way to live.

You have a sexuality, you just need to give yourself enough space to discover it. Whether you are straight, BI, or lesbian, or some unique and beautiful mixture of all of them, you will find yourself in time.

In the short time I've been exposed to the gay community, and through my lapsed membership in the Straight Woman's Club, I've found that almost without exception, everyone tries to stick labels on everyone else, and themselves. Straight. BI Lesbian. Butch. Femme. Sinner. Saint. The only place I've ever found that does not affix labels is this group.

You don't have to accept ANYONE'S labels. Period. You don't have to have all the answers, either. Be honest with yourself and your partners, male or female. Listen to your heart and soul when they tell you something is right, and give yourself the time to relax and just enjoy life, without worrying if you are doing it correctly. The answers will come in their own time. And the journey to find them is fun--scary, but fun." .
Pat
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"I agree that it is really difficult to put into words just how much this group means to me. The amazing ladies in this group walk alongside me in my journey to be a fully self expressed woman, accepting all aspects of my sexuality. I am also blessed to be able to have the opportunity to contribute to the lives of woman that I may never meet in person but that hold a very special place in my heart. I live in a small town in New Zealand where there is no support for woman coming out and it is 5 hours to the closest big city. By being a part of the SFLCO group I know that there is always someone at the end of the keyboard through the ups and the down. I have learnt so much from the sharing of others and know this is a safe place to ask what feels like even the silliest question. To all the woman in this group, thank you for allowing me to be connected to this chain of friendship and growth. Being part of this group has meant soo much to me over the past year and it has been an honour to be apart of it and what it group and the members blossom. I don't think I could ever put into words what it has meant to be apart of this group. To find a community of woman who offer love, acceptance and support unconditionally has been the light at the end of the tunnel."
Kia kaha,
Arohanui e hoa
Rainbow Angel
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"I just wanted to say thanks for all the hard work you do, so I wrote this poem for you. I hope you like it.
With much appreciation and heart felt thanks.
Pam
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

Soul Whisper
Across the miles
Carried by the wind
In the laughter of a child
In the smile of a friend
Can you hear
My soul whisper?
A simple thank you
from this heart of mine
In the beauty of the sunset
In the joy of a dream fulfilled
In the simpleness of life's
Smallest treasure
One life that's been changed
Doesn't seem like much
But for the life that's been changed
It's more than enough
Can you hear my soul whisper
Across the miles
In the stillness of a summer's breeze
Or the beauty of the rising moon.
Hear my soul whisper

Following is a thank you to Tracey Stevens, co-author of "How To Be A Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide," who volunteers her time to help moderate our Support For Lesbians Coming Out group:

Humble is the soul that recognizes its own shine.

Ample is the heart who makes other's sufferings its own.

Hope is what you so generously give to thousands of women who, because of you, know the darkness of abuse is not eternal, but a path to a strong mature wonderful womanhood as your own.

Your strength is our shelter;

Your success the opening of our futures.

May the universe shower you with gifts and talents
so you shall continue your hard earned mission.

"The best part of my coming out process was and is this group, and all the women I have come to know through your work. From my humble and rejoicing soul to yours."
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

"Thanks for being here for me it means a lot to me. Just knowing I have someone that understands what I'm feeling and what I'm going through makes it a little easier to deal with all these crazy feelings inside. I know I don't always say just how confused I feel. But it's strange finding love and comfort in the arms of another female. Being older and realizing now these feeling were here a long time ago is even more strange. I tend to write when I'm having feelings of confusion. Sometimes it makes sense to no one but me. As I struggle with all these feelings inside, I'm learning to find some comfort in my new found friends here in this group. If you listen closely you may hear my voice within."
Flipper
Member
Support For Lesbians Coming Out SFLCO
Online Support Group
for Lesbian and Bisexual Women

A Little Bit More of Me

My mind is in a state of confusion.
My body is in a state of comfort.
My soul is finding peace.
My mind tries to understand what I once was
And what now other people are.
People have become the narrow-minded
One finger pointing at me, three at themselves.
This used to be me.
The tables have turned.
How strange.
My body is finding comfort.
For the first time I truly feel safe
I feel warmth and love.
Somehow this woman makes me feel protected.
I could lay in her arms just needing to be held
She understands this.
It's not about sex, it's about love.
I'm finding out there is a difference.
She's teaching me to love.
My soul is like a new bird
Learning to fly.
The sky is the limit.
At times I have this new found peace within
One that brings me comfort.
When everything else seems to be a struggle
It will carry me through.
I will learn to trust the voice within
I will learn to fly.

FLIPPER©2005